So, I was in front of my machine doing my thing as I always am when I get a call from a new friend who I’ve been hangin’ out with recently. We small talk, me expounding on something not so important and my counter part sharing the recent details of what is going down in her life. Eventually, she invites me to come hang with her if I’m too to busy with work, which, of course I oblige because she’s pleasant to be around. I hop on a train and we link up, off to further adventures around the city. What is only meant to be a spending a few moments together turns into a full day’s event. As we catch various modes of public transpo, we talk a lil bit deeper about our particular views on a wide range of topics. She has been through quite a bit, so it isn’t long before I’m completely engrossed in just listening and throwing in a comment here and there while the stories spill out. We spend most of the day in this mode. Just, you know sharing. This is a significant thing to me because I don’t often share the details of my life. No, ha, not because I want to be mysterious, but rather I just think most people don’t care. But in this particular instance, it seemed the thing to do, and I didn’t want her to feel uncomfortable about sharing so much of her experiences. And honestly, it felt nice to just talk to someone about many things that I just keep to myself. So, the day went much like this. No, nothing spectacular. Just really cool, in an every day kind of way.

I know what your thinking. “Did you [insert romantic inquiry here]“? Ha, no. Not that I didn’t cross my mind. However, at least for me, you have these opportunities to really connect with people in a deep and yet effortless kind of way. Sure, I could have steered it into a more non platonic kind of thing. I think sometimes though doing this cheapens the experience of what is happening. Communication between people is such a treacherous thing sometimes. It’s amazing how a few syllables can bring down years of pain staking work that goes into building a positive connection. Quite often, it is my belief we take for granted the times when two beings put aside gender, ethnic, financial, etc differences and just speak honestly. I know quite a few have their own preconceived notions about me, ha, some which are justified (I’m the Juggernaught, BITCH) and I have some of my own that I tend to cling to. Because of this, we have so few moments where we can just Be, as Common so eloquently put it in the song of the same name. I, for one, relish these moments. I live for these moments. Where my faults are understood because they balance with my pros. Where I see and appreciate the strength of another’s moment of vulnerability. Where two folks are at ease, if even for just a few moments, with just being.

I remember right after I transfered to a school in the city after going to a small community college, I went out to this little gathering on campus. Unshackled from the noose of parental oversight, I was looking to cause some trouble, which meant I was just trying to do something my folks told me not to. So, I go and it’s pretty cool. I see girls dancing, drinking, smoking, all of which clash mightily with me staunch christian upbringing, which of course brought a smile to my face. In my own awkward, shy and nervous why, I attempt to integrate myself into the debauchery before me. And that’s when it happened.

“Hi! Are you new here?”
*Applies quasi hard stance I saw on t.v.* “Yeah, you know… kinda”
“That’s cool! My name is [some dude's name], and I’m new too!”
“Cool, man.”
“You know, maybe we can hook up and explore the school together!”
*Bewildered Look*”Uhm, I, uhhh…”
“Well, my friends are here. Here’s my number. Call me, cutie!”
“…”

I think this is the earliest I can remember that a dude gave me his number for reasons other than, you know, man shit. I was stunned and kinda offended. Like, what, do I LOOK gay?? Of course as a young cat in an unfamiliar environment, this bothered me. I mean, me, a nice christian boy, and the first person that tries to hang with him is a DUDE. FUCK, man! I really had no idea what to do. I mean, it wasn’t like he was rude or mean or anything of the sort. I mean, yeah the GOOD BOOK taught me that gays are evil and all, and at the time I did disagree with homosexual marriage, not for any reason in-particular other than that’s what good christian folk do. But once I got a drink… o.k., DRINKS and went over it in my brain a few times, I realized there was really no reason for me to be upset. I wasn’t even sure he was gay (which he was, I later found out), AND he was a lot more proactive than I was in finding folks to hang with. No, I wasn’t immediately over my programmed aversion to homosexuals, but you know, he was o.k. He was just a person… and he just happened to like dudes.

I’ll be the first to admit my acceptance of homosexuals was a learned thing. It took me a little time for me to accept them for what they are. It would make me extremely uncomfortable to even be around them, to be honest. Not because they would do thing to make me uncomfortable, but you know, they were GAY! But one thing I have learned is that you cannot always believe what you have been taught. You cannot always rely on the lessons learned as a child because some of them are just wrong. And eventually, I unlearned this particular one, and gained the awesome ability of acceptance of a lifestyle completely foreign to me. I gained insight. I gained understanding. Ha, and I gained a few friends in the process. Unfortunately, I never saw that dude again. If I did though, I would thank him for giving me his number that night because it forced me to take a hard look at my own ignorance and realize my distaste with that way of life was based on… well, nothing. And I know I am a better person because of it….